MGS History

Shoardicles: "The most noblest of the Greeks, terror of the Persians" (Herodotus) "In war implacable, in peace irreplacable, inbetween impentrable" (Thucydides) "He gave me the idea for the funny walks" (Johncles). Born in the Greek polis of Memjiessos, Shoardicles first came to prominence in the fall of the Mycanean Empire at the end of the Bronze Age. Having invented Brasso, the ability to shine bronze weapons up something lovely, Shoardicles was in high demand amongst the great palaces of the time. The demand for shiny weapons eventually lead to increased conflict and jealously amongst the potentates of the period, and a social and economic collapse the like of which had not been seen since the last collapse of complex societies. Shoardicles disappears from written history until the classical period when he re-emerges as a tyrant at Athens, before being replaced by the Pissaspidastrids. Shaordicles was able to survive the fall of the tyrants and became a leading politician in the new, democratic Athens. He played a key role at the battle of Marathon (now known as Snickers) in 490, where he advised Miltiades to surrender immediately. When his advice was disregarded, he ran down to the Persians to warn them of the impending attack, but accidently ran a Persian guard through with his spear, leading to the outbreak of the fighting and causing the eventual Athenian victory. Lauded for his ambiguous role, Shoardicles also helped create the famous Athenian fleet by attempting to flee from Athens in a boat, and accidently sinking a merchant vessel by running into it. The watching Themistocles, realising this was one area where the Athenians could dominate their neighbours, took this on  board to great effect. After this Shoardicles disappeared from the major events of the day to write tragedies. but they were so funny he wrote comedies instead. These were too sad, so he gave up and lived out his days on the Areopagus arguing with philiosophers over who had stolen his sandals. Some fragments of his writings survive including the tragedy "Oedipus has lost his photocopier code" and the comedy "The USA in Korea and Vietnam."